What Child is This?

Sweet Babykins,

 

Most nights your Super Dad puts you to sleep. He has a routine that works like a charm: bath time, three books, prayer (in French), and rocking until you pass out solidly enough that we can put you in your crib without waking up. I like to say he does it because I'm busy pumping before we head to sleep for the night, but the fact of the matter is that I'd rather play with you and see what reactions I can get from you than have you fall asleep. Who would have ever thought your dad would be the more serious-minded one for anything in our marriage? But alas, the last few nights with classes starting up again, a busy calling, and our attempts to get you in bed and asleep by 8 has led to me putting you to sleep. I'm sorry. I don't do it quite as well. What it has turned into is a milk-crusted, unwashed mouth, a mad dash through Goodnight Moon as you try to take the book from me, a half-hearted attempt at a second, and then lights out when we pray (in French- you do need some consistency) and singing until you're out. . At first I tried lullabies, but I realized my repertoire was limited to "Baby Mine" from Dumbo. Singing the Beatles didn't seem quite right either, so we're sticking with hymns now. With my combined 16 years in Primary I have tried to stick with Primary hymns so you have a leg up on most kids when you start attending, but in my exhaustion I realize I jumble a good bit of the words. To make up for it we tend to rotate through regular hymns as well (who knew "Called to Serve" would make you fall asleep so quickly?). Last night part of playlist included "I Lived in Heaven" and, to prep you for the upcoming holiday season, "What Child is This?" I realize the latter is not a technical hymn, but it is my favorite Christmas song and I feel the Spirit when I sing or hear it, so it counts. To be frank, I'm glad you'd fallen asleep by this point because I got a bit choked up.

 

 

 

 

Like never before I was struck by the fact that a small baby, just like you, would grow up to be the Savior of the world. It wasn't just the fact that I imagined His loving mother singing to Him and that He would grow up to perform the ultimate sacrifice; it was something else. It struck me that the King of Kings would offer to come to earth under the meekest of circumstances as a baby born in a stable; submissive to all of the Father's will. That He would suffer all pains, temptations, and sufferings of all who had ever and would ever inhabit the earth and do it willingly. Knowing full-well that there would be some who would not accept it. I felt His unending love testify to me of Him. 

A few weeks ago I was thinking about the fact that you look nothing like me. You're the most beautiful creation I've ever seen and you have pretty much no resemblance to me. Your coloring, features, and build is 99.9% your dad. Shoot, even your temperament and personality (so far as I can tell) are your dad's. Not that that's a bad thing; he's a better person than I could ever hope to be. But it did make me a little sad. I realized that if I wanted to leave my mark on you it wouldn't be quite so much as genetics as it would be in what I taught you. I thought of how I would want to teach you to be loving and compassionate to all of God's children (no exceptions), how I wanted you to treat the body the Lord gave you. But really, all I want is for you to have your own testimony. I don't want you to only go off of my testimony. Sure, let it be something that strengthens you, but develop your own relationship with our Heavenly Father. He loves you more than you or even I can imagine (and I love you so much it hurts just to think about it). Develop your relationship with His Son, Jesus Christ. Nothing will be able to give peace to your soul like knowing you can turn to Him and that He knows exactly how you feel.

 

Furthermore, Sweetheart, know that you can always turn to Him. His Atonement is infinite. I have done some pretty stupid things in my day but my heart has been healed, my views changed, and my sorrow turned around because I have turned to Him to change me. I continually turn to Him for guidance and you know what? Every time I turn to Him, I am taught and changed for the better. I know that because of Him I don't have to rely on myself and my limited capabilities, I can lean on Him and accomplish any worthwhile goal before me.

 

Atticus, I'm okay with you not looking like me or having a reckless, Cuban temper like me. But I do hope you gain a testimony like I have.