Bébé Buisson

When Justin was on the mission he caught a lot of flack because it was 2005-2007, he is from Texas AND has the last name of Bush. One ward in particular was ESPECIALLY cold towards him (it was Calais, the unofficial HQ of the communist party in France and most members were part of that political party) to the point  where he asked the mission president if he could get a new nametag with the French equivelant of Bush, Buisson, printed instead of his actual last name. The mission president said he would if Justin ever got beaten up. Needless to say, he stayed Elder Bush the full two years.

When we went to have our anatomy scan/gender ultrasound we I was really nervous. I had heard of stories of non-compliant babies who don't "show the goods" and leave parents and stenographers guessing until he/she comes out. It's not that I cared whether it would be a boy or girl, I just wanted to know so I could plan ahead. And by plan ahead, I mean make seriously cute onesies and such.

So away we went to the doctor's and were quickly taken back to see. Unfortunately Justin didn't get to sit by me so I couldn't see his reactions. I was in one corner and he was sitting in the opposite corner of the room while we both looked up at the tv in the corner we both faced. I really am of the conclusion that the reason why most parents, okay, maybe just myself, cry during visits like this is because a) I'm glad I didn't do something to kill my baby and b) the nerves are too great.

The sonographer got started and to be honest, neither of us could clearly tell what we were looking at. But we saw the heartbeat and she did audio so we could hear that he has a regular heart beat (which was a concern to me since I don't). Okay, fear number 1 over. Next the sonographer began measuring the different parts of the body and labeling them for the doctor. I couldn't really tell what each was supposed to mean except for leg and arm, but whatever, there was a heartbeat.

She double checked and said, "you want to know the sex, right?" "Yep" I said and she had to work a bit for it. Eventually she got the legs to open and it seemed relatively clear what this kid would be. An awesome little boy! Needless to say, he does not take after his semi-exhibitionist maternal uncles and cousins, but that's okay. I cried a little. At first I thought it was a boy and I wanted it to be a boy. But then I thought, "But girls are really fun and cute too!" so then I wanted and thought it was a girl. The closer we got to finding out though I thought, "It's going to be a boy. Even though I kind of want a girl." Honestly, all I wanted was a healthy baby and that was good enough for me. Before the stenographer came in I made Justin give me his last-minute predictions and after I said boy he said, "well, I'll say girl. One of us has to be right then."

When the doctor came in and was a male Justin finally felt a bit more at ease to address his concern with the doctor that he hadn't shared with the female stenographer of myself. "Are you sure it's a boy? I just don't see it." The doctor laughed and walked to him and said laughing, "Your son is only 18 weeks. And about this big," holding out his hands. "That means it is only about this big. Give him a break. He's only a little guy right now."

While I won't lie, now I'm afraid they might be wrong (especially since after telling coworkers several came up saying, "Yeah, they said my sister-in-law/cousin/pastor's wife was going to have a boy and he ended up being a she.") I'm still excited that for right now, bébé Buisson will more than likely be a boy. Because now I get to start "planning ahead". I mean, look at how cute these onesies are!!

Spilling the Beans

Well, the secret's out. Today in ward council after I left early to set up chairs in the Primary room one of the brothers whose wife I am good friends with spilled the beans. He had been talking about how it was unnecessary to send EQ brothers to set up for RS activities when it would only be a table and a few chairs if the sisters were capable of doing it on their own. While I agreed with him, I left a bit peeved because I had sat there for almost an hour talking about non-essential stuff and we hadn't even gotten to discuss the things you should be talking about in ward council. But this poor brother was afraid he had hurt my feelings so he piped up and said to Justin "I didn't mean your wife. I don't mind helping her set stuff up in the Primary. I mean, she's pregnant."

This was the front of a postcard we sent out to extended family

Yep! The word's out! It seems more people are interested in sharing my news than I am (not that I'm not happy, I just find that I'm kind of a private person when it comes to certain things; plus I'm not a huge fan of unsolicited advice). He tried to quickly brush it over, but the Bishop and his counselors who didn't know clutched on to it and wouldn't let it slip until Justin (the ward mission leader and another regular at w.c.) confirmed. I've slowly accepted the fact that by the end of the day my pregnancy would be the ward's worst kept secret. I guess it's about time; I'm 18 weeks and we have "the big reveal" this week.

I think my natural worrier tendencies have been amplified to an abnormal level during my pregnancy. Even though with my previous two ultrasounds the doctor kept saying the baby looked very healthy and very active (and a bit larger than my due date would suggest) and the last appointment when we finally heard the baby's heartbeat confirmed the baby was still in there, I can't help but worry about EVERYTHING. "I'm only going to take a sip of this Coke Zero." "I'm going to tough out this headache and not take the Tylenol." "Crap! How can I NOT sleep on my stomach?!". But early on in the pregnancy Justin gave me a blessing and reminded me that Heavenly Father was in charge of this and that whatever happened is what He knew was best for us and this baby. So when I start freaking out about whether or not I should have cleaned the bathroom with XYZ cleaner, I just remind myself that whatever happens is as it's supposed to be.

A few funny things about this pregnancy though:

We've been referring to the baby by whatever fruit/vegetable it is closest to in size. (we use this chart)  For example, two weeks ago the baby was equivalent in size to an avocado. Thus this post on Justin's wall the other week.

It's supposed to be giving a high five, but my Microsoft Paint skills are pretty pathetic.

 We're big on high fives. So whenever something awesome happens, we give the baby "high fives" too.

While I have had an abnormal appreciation for salt and vinegar and pickle chips, what this kid has wanted most is anything spicy.

I have been referred to as both a "young mom" (mostly from people at work) and an "old mom" (I won't say by who). Who knew 29 was such a divisive age to have your first child?

I guess my fears, fascination and such with this pregnancy is based on the fact that I honestly felt this was something that wouldn't happen and I'm just worried it will be taken away before I get the chance to experience it. As a bit of background, I've been off of birth control for more than two years because my previous OB/GYN said I had so many fertility issues that it would be impossible for me to get pregnant without medical assistance. Justin is still in school for 2.5 more years and the insurance we have through work, while awesome, doesn't cover IVF treatments, so I just pushed it in the back of my mind and while praying it would happen, began losing hope that it would. With two+ years of nothing happening, I figured that my doctor was correct. So Justin and I have been serving in the temple for the last several months. I figured, "well, what better way to fill our time since we don't have a kid to fill in our time not occupied by school, work and callings?" Lo and behold, that's all it took to get a little bit more divine assistance!

So now that the word is out, what are your bets for baby? Boy or girl? We would be happy with either. Justin's felt the whole time that it would be a girl. I've gone back and forth... We'll see on Wednesday!

James 1

I've been slowly making my way through the New Testament recently. Today I made it to James 1. My former-missionary self automatically recited James 1:5-6 (in French, no less), and then I tried to remember some of the other versus and my mind went blank. So I began reading.

As I read, I was struck by the many ways verse 5 could be interpreted. Just prior to this verse Timothy was talking about how when we have trials, we have opportunities to develop our faith and patience and that we should be grateful for these opportunities. Maybe it's my pessimistic self, but it's hard for me to be grateful for trials. I think that's why verse 5 stuck out to me in such a different manner. I think we're not only limited to when we have a question such as "Is the Church true?" kind of questions, but also, "Why do I have to go through this?" kind of questions. Going off of the verses prior to 5 and the footnotes, I think it's equally valid to ask Heavenly Father for wisdom, understanding, and, my favorite from the footnotes, divine guidance when we go through trials. But, as verse  cautions, we need to be steadfast and focused in our efforts to understand the Lord and the Spirit as He teaches us. And we must be ready and willing to act upon whatever we are counselled to do.

Continuing in the chapter I read about temptation and how temptation never comes from God because only that which is good and true comes from Him. But that temptation is Satan's way of trying to rock us at our basest insticts and desires. For example, anger doesn't come from God. Lashing out at others and ill will doesn't come from God. If we expect mercy, we need to give it, even if we don't think they deserve it. I thought of Christ throwing out the money changers from the temple. But I think that is different. He had a larger understanding than we do. If you compare it to Moses who struck the rock out of anger with the children of Israel (which is understandable to most of us), consider the consequences Moses had as a result and the blessings he missed out on. When we give in to temptation we lose sight of who we are and our eternal purpose.

Towards the end, Timothy talks about those who claim to be religious but do not change their ways. To be a "religious" person, or one changed by the Atonement of Christ, we need to turn from our previous selves. Specifically, Timothy brings up gossiping and later charity. He states that when we have a changed heart we look past others' weaknesses and faults and help them with pure charity, which is the love of Christ. We help the widows and fatherless who struggle differently than we do. We also keep ourselves away from the vices of the world which range from such serious deeds as murder or lying, to such "insignificant" deeds as the ones previously mentioned- lack of charity towards all men and gossiping.

As I was thinking about what this entire chapter meant as a whole, I went back to my new idea of verse 5. When we are going through trials and temptations, we can turn to Heavenly Father for divine guidance and understanding. Not turning to Him is foolishness on our part. But oftentimes what He will tell us is similar to what Elder Bednar told our stake in January- turn outward. It's easy to get caught up in our own world. Moreover, the world tells us that when times are difficult, we should focus on ourselves. But Christ taught us by His example on the cross itself, to turn outwards and consider others first.

Am I a living example of what James 1 says? Hardly. As several people have pointed out to me recently, I'm angry, bitter, and unpleasant to be around. (I've tried to blame it on pregnancy mood swings, but I can only blame it on those for the past two months- surprise!). But I've recently been trying to change (despite how it may seem) and I think this chapter was an answer to many prayers. I'm working on it. And while my natural tendency might be to blame it on something other than myself, my goal is to overcome the natural man as we are so strongly urged to do in the Book of Mormon and not get stuck in that basic hurdle but to move past it and try to learn from my trials.

Behold Your Little Ones

I love Primary. I never thought I'd say that. There was a reason I was never an education major and no one ever asked me to babysit their kids growing up. I'm just uncomfortable around kids I'm not blood-related to. Plus, let's be honest here.. I love my nieces and nephews like crazy and since they're the coolest and smartest kids ever, it makes it difficult for me to enjoy being around other kids. Even when Justin and I taught in nursery and I later taught solo in Primary, I thought, "What the heck am I doing in here?" I guess it didn't help that one of my primary kids stripped while I was facing another kid during class, but just the same. I never thought I'd be comfortable.

But since being in the Primary Presidency, it has really grown on me. I get a better understanding of the scriptures from 3 Nephi 17 when the savior blesses the children and then angels come to minister to them. There's a reason why angels ministered to the children. Children need angels to teach them. They need people who have firm testimonies of the gospel to help them. How many other times in the scriptures has the Savior himself prayed for angels to come down and minister to a group of people? I think this says something about the importance nursery and primary play.

I'm not saying parents can slack off. One of my favorite non-missionary lesson scriptures I memorized on my mission is from Doctrine and Covenants 68:25 where it explicity discusses the responsibility parents have in regards to teaching their children the gospel from an early age. But I feel very strongly that the best teachers in the ward need to be in Primary.

Recently our ward's Primary, nursery, Young Men, and Young Women were combined with the Spanish ward's. I thought it amusing that the people with the biggest hesitancies in ward counsel were those not directly affected by it. But it's completely understandable; it's difficult to embrace something you are unexperienced with. I was kept as the primary president of the two wards and both bishops stressed that what changes I wanted to make they would support. I felt a bit of hesitancy and relief at the same time. So I began on my knees, as I should have, and asked for some divine intervention. I felt a bit stumped for a few days not sure where to keep people. Because I wasn't asked to stay the primary president until two weeks because we combined, I was under a deadline of sorts getting names to the bishops. Luckily, when my deadline came I was at church and the callings I wanted people to be issued came to me very quickly. This made sense. When Elder Bednar came to speak in January he said that if we want revelation about something it helps to be in the place directly related to it. So I went and sat in the Primary room and came up with my lists and for once my ideas of where to put everyone made complete sense. So away the lists went to the bishops. I felt a little hesitency with where I was putting people but felt very strongly about them going where I had written their names.

When we finally combined the wards our small primary of 14 kids on a good day when everyone was there jumped to 40+! It was amazing! My heart was very full that day. I scrapped the lesson I was supposed to teach and decided to teach about Enoch and Zion. I think it went okay. We ended sharing time making a big banner (it's amazing the random things you find in Primary rooms) to hang in the Primary room about being Zion and I had the kids all come and decorate it. It was a great Sunday! Not to be outdone, the next week we had even more kids. I'm not complaining at all. I think it's great to have a huge primary like this.  I'm so grateful for the teachers in Primary and nursery. They truly are angels. I feel in something of a predicament because we still need Primary workers and yet the people I ask for are shot down or other auxiliaries are taking the people we have. Am I off for my thoughts concerning who should be teaching in Primary? Does a medium-sized ward need 8 Visiting Teaching Supervisors?

I just read a really neat scripture that says, "Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." I was reflecting on what I thought it means. The scripture is towards the end of 2 Corinthians 3 when they have been talking about the spirit of the law versus the letter of the law. I was curious about this concept of liberty. Wikipedia (everyone's favorite quick info resource) says that liberty is the same as freedom and that freedom is found in a person's ability to exercise agency. I think that there are a multitude of ways to interpret this scripture, but here are a few of my thoughts:

1) Immediately I think that when we have partaken of the Atonement of Christ we receive the Holy Ghost and feel the liberty/freedom that comes from knowing that one is redeemed by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This liberty/freedom enriches our lives and those around us as we share the peace that come from knowing this.

2) Next I thought of keeping the Spirit of the Lord in our society. There are far too many signs of how the Spirit of the Lord is lacking. People are too quick to argue, too quick to consider themselves first, and too willing to step over others to get what they want. Although some say the 80s was the "ME" generation, I think that it has come back and even stronger. You can't share you opinion without someone calling you stupid, brainwashed, unpatriotic or whatnot. I'll admit, I've said my fair share of rude things to others. But I am trying to change. But it really just hit me how this spirit is missing. Once we start living it by putting others before ourselves and showing kindness, forgiveness and charity to all our society will become free. We are imprisoned by our hatred, narrow-mindedness, and self-absorption. When we have the Spirit of the Lord in our society we won't need to spend money on government assistance because we will naturally be helping our fellow man instead of complaining about them. We would realize that the American dream doesn't equal every man being a millionaire. The American dream is everyone working together to strengthen each other.

3) Lastly, when I thought about it, I considered the concept of the letter of the law versus the spirit of the law. As I was reading this chapter a concept came to my mind. It's not that the letter of the law is done away with. We still need to obey the 10 commandments. But the bar has been raised. I think of it like I think of someone who runs hurdles. They don't start off with the highest hurdle. They start with lower ones. Similarly, we can't start off with the higher law that Christ instituted if we cannot live the simple principles of the gospel. The letter of the law is there to train us for the spirit of the law. The spirit of the law is meant to be engraven upon our hearts, not just spoken from our lips. Once we have mastered the simpler things such as paying tithing regularly, obeying the word of wisdom consistently, and reading our scriptures, we can better understand the spirit of the law. By gaining a better understanding of it we gain a testimoney of it and are converted to the concepts. By being converted to them and having this knowledge, the commandments are no longer drudgery. They are a blessing. We are at liberty because we see them as things which free us because they DO free us.
My thoughts are still evolving, but it had a big impression on me and I wanted to share my thoughts before I forgot them.
 
What do you think this scripture means?

Book Club

"If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things." The 13th article of faith is the theme for the youth this year and I find it interesting how applicable it is to us who are past the Young Men/Young Women phase of our life. I'm not saying non-church books are horrible. Well, one I recently read for my ward's book club was, but that's just my personal taste, others liked it. But I realized, following Elder Ardern's talk this past Saturday, that time is an incredibly precious thing and that I need to use it wisely. Books are a great way to spend time. But I find that unless they uplift me, motivate me or educate me they are of no use to me. Oftentimes, the books that book clubs choose are very depressing and dramatic without happy endings or moral lessons in them. I don't care to read about out of touch women living in France with their cheating husbands or children raised by bohemian parents who neglected them and tried to "pimp" them out (according to the Amazon review of the book club's latest choice). If I want to be depressed I could just as easily look at the news.

Life is dramatic on its own and I am not a big fan of drama. There's a reason I never read the Twilight series and never will. There's a reason I abhor reality TV shows (The Voice and The Sing Off being exceptions). If I want drama I can go sit in the front of our office and listen to the life stories of half of the students that come through our doors. I want to spend my time looking after the things that matter most. Do these books bring me closer to God? Do they help me improve as a daughter with a divine purpose? Do they enrich my mind or uplift me? No. I'm not saying fiction is bad. There will always be room for J.K. Rowling and Jane Austen on my shelves. But I am starting to realize the importance of chosing my entertainment wisely.

So I've decided to stick with my historical non-fiction books and Anne of Green Gables. That way I can learn of other people who did exist or at least daydream about Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe. I'm not writing this to appear holier than others (unless your name is Brian Garcia in which case I am holier than you). But it's just something I feel I've taken too long to realize and now that I have I want to share it. The time I have is too short for me to read novels that don't enrich me. It's too short for me to waste it on books that bring me down. There are plenty of real, live people in this world whose stories I can listen to and in so doing I could actually be a benefit for a living, breathing person. Well, other than the librarian. I think I double their pay annually because of the fees I usually have to pay.

For those who weren't able to hear Elder Ardern's talk, I highly recommend it. Here's the link for it.

Trees

I saw a link on Facebook that had a pretty picture on it. I followed the link to see what other pictures it had. After looking at a few of them I came across this one. I honestly don't think I've been touched by a picture like this one.

Isn't it beautiful? I think it sums up perfectly how the world felt with the restoration of the gospel. The darkness is overcome by bright, beautiful light. How great is it to know the gospel is restored? I am incredibly grateful for it. I remember when Justin and I went to Palmyra during a business trip to Rochester and the wonderful feeling I had. Because I was there longer than he was (two weeks compared to his weekend) and I had a car I went to Palmyra a few times. I love church history! While I love Nauvoo and I think the Salt Lake pioneer stories are interesting, nothing really reaches down in me and moves me like the church history in Palmyra. There's a certain sense of excitement I get when I watch the Joseph Smith movie just prior to the full restoration. When he begins to quesiton the religions, when he has the first vision and when the angel Moroni come I just get goosebumps. Something tells me I probably felt the same way, if not more so, before I came to earth. I am so grateful for the light the gospel is in my light.. Especially now when I'm literally sitting in darkness due to construction next door that prohibits the wall the two rooms share to have operating electricity. Three cheers for light!